Don’t trust him.

— My boss.

I’ve met a lot of brilliant minds working in tech. Unfortunately, a lot of the smartest people I’ve worked with have such a poor grasp on empathy — among other things.

One of the most brilliant people I met was my boss. He was new to his big role as the owner of this growing new tech start-up, and despite my lack of experience, he hired me. I was more than excited to be in the tech, as it was a dream of mine to be part of that industry. Fast forward a couple of years, and I’ve learned that brains are not the end all be all, to say the least.

Don’t get me wrong — my boss is probably what most would say an ‘ideal’ boss. He was far from a micro manager, he provided enough guidance yet gave me enough leadership and autonomy quite early in the job. He was the “cool” boss people could be friends with to some degree (he was still a boss, after all).

The caveat was that he might’ve been too cool.

Many tech companies today strive to be seen as a fun, ideal workplace. I realized that though this seemed to be a promising direction to be headed for a better work environment, it comes with its cons as well.

My boss seemed to forget the where to draw the line between cool and professional.

Take for instance this interesting quote I got from him during a formal meeting with other managers:

Don’t trust him. He’ll also steal your work, and throw you under the bus. Also, he cheated on his wife.

— My boss.

He was talking about another colleague, and though he meant well, it didn’t really come off great. I’m not too sure how our conversation took this turn, but either way, was it really something that should have been said in a formal meeting? I wanted to take a closer look at how better soft skills could’ve helped my boss communicate such a thought in a better way, because there always is a better way.

Maybe:

“I would recommend not to pitch all your best ideas to him yet. I trust you to be a good judge of character.”

– In another world, this would be something I’d rather hear.

That’s just one way I believe he could’ve filtered himself. If he chose to share the adulterer part in a bar, during an office party, maybe i’d let it slip.

He would often use this kind of communication, regardless if it was to bash another person, or to ‘protect’ his team. It was a strange to work with someone who would so easily taint the name of a person whom I’ve never met. He would get mad at people who would resign rather than try to be empathetic. He would say, “good riddance” in front of his team. It makes you uneasy if he could do that same to you. My boss was brilliant, but at times, he was clearly too transparent. To be fair to him, many people probably agreed with his otherwise too-out-there thoughts, but professionalism should have taught him to keep these things to his wife instead.

This habit of his has not eluded the rest of the company; and by strange example, the sort of too honest culture has been practiced by other potential leaders and managers. This attitude can turn into something very catastrophic for the company in the long run (you can imagine, I’m sure).

Moral of the story: if you are a under any position of influence in a company, then yes, filtering yourself will be part of the job.

Sadly, these are few of many different occurrences, and this is where I decided how important soft skills are. Knowing when the best time and place is to say something, and how to say it. Communication, professionalism, maturity, empathy, and attitude were just some of the skills I had learned were essential to be worthy of respect. It’s also just a few of the things you need to get more clients, work with partners and potential investors, and grow your company.

With more and more value put into IQ in this age of information, we shouldn’t forget what is constant. In this blog, I share my experiences and leanings as I grow and improve my soft skills.