Got an Emotional Boss? 5 Tips to Dealing with your Moody Manager

We’ve heard it before. From the “You have to catch him in a good mood before you request him anything,” to the “Poor applicant’s in it ’cause the boss is in a mood,” line from your co-workers. There are definitely different versions to these statements, and we’ve all had bosses that were either really great for the most part, but had their moments on one or two more occasions.
This article is not about critiquing those moody bosses – those bosses who lash out on their employees, or those bosses you feel you are stepping on eggshells around. As much as I would like to find a fix for this, it’s virtually impossible to create a one-stop-shop solution for emotional bosses. What is almost the best solution though, is figuring out how to respond; instead of fighting your boss head on, or stooping down to the same level.

On a side note, to the bosses or future managers reading this: Yes, we are all human, susceptible to anger and frustration. Bosses are people too. The truth of it though, is in fact, there is MORE pressure for you bosses out there to keep a level-head when the going gets tough. It goes without saying that your people depend on you to be the most sensible person left when there are difficult issues that arise in the company.
This is why you are called MANAGERS. You are expected to know how to manage people, and this includes regulating your emotions.

We are all responsible with how we face emotions that make or break how people see and respect us. No one wants to be “that guy” people will always secretly want to complain to HR about.

Here is my top 5 advise for people who are currently in high-stress, high-pressure workplace environments that deal with emotional bosses:

1. Ask yourself: Is my boss REALLY overly and unproductively emotional? A few things I notice that becomes a pattern of overly emotional bosses: (1) S/he uses unprofessional and personal words to describe you or others, calling you insensitive, selfish, arrogant, and the like on a regular basis. (2) S/he becomes moody, irritable and hard to approach at random days. (3) S/he is OVERLY friendly and nice to some people, then cold or irritable to others. (4) His/her emotions affect interviews, feedback, decisions, etc. If you see a lot of these and more,then the signs might point to yes.
2. Take a step back and know where the frustration is coming from, and become self-aware of your emotions. Note that responding doesn’t have to be immediate (in fact, I recommend you give yourself a breather before you do, especially if it’s something you can take your time to respond on such as an email), but your first step is at least being self-aware. By doing this, you can understand not just the situation but WHY you are having a certain emotion. It can help you regulate it, and give you an idea as to whether or not it’s even worth all our energy in the first place. i.e. I had a boss that called me “insensitive,” in a situation, where I believe I didn’t deserve to be. I took a step back, realized where he was coming from, and tried to understand that maybe he was frustrated himself, could not find the right words, and ended it at that. It did hurt me, but I got over it, knowing that my boss was in an emotional state as well. On another note, know when you shouldn’t be a push-over. My example was a first time, so I didn’t let it get the best of me.
3. Set boundaries with your boss. Keep things friendly, but not to the extent where you’ve become so much like best friends, s/he would be able to become moody with you. I understand this dynamic can work for others, but this can also become a two-edged sword. Make sure you know what you’re in for if you become too close with an overtly emotional boss. In addition, distance yourself as much as you can without sacrificing your work relationship. If there is no need to spend extra time with them, don’t do it, especially if it affects your well-being.
4. Do work well, and do not give him/her any bullets against you. It would be obvious that if you do all your work with quality, there would be no reason to deal with moodiness. If s/he has too much meltdowns or moodiness to handle despite a job well done, then it’s time to examine tip #5.
5. Know your limits. If you have the capability to do so and you feel like your boss is bordering on abusive or manipulative, leave. As they say, “do not kill yourself over a company that will replace you in a matter of days.”
6. * A bonus tip: knowing your bosses’ personality type can help you know his/her triggers and responses to these. Being aware of this can also keep you one step ahead before s/he even begins to become irritable.

I’d like to end this on a positive note: remember that we all have our days, but it’s up to us how we manage the tough ones and express it to others. I’ve met a lot of great, level-headed bosses who you can depend on when everything’s run amok. Stick with these people, and don’t forget to take notes.