Communicating Positively: How to Give Quality Feedback without Sounding like a Jerk

“The excel sheet you made is really disorganized and confusing.”

-I heard it through the grapevine

Test time! How could anyone have said that better?

Just one possible way: “Can you clarify a few things you made in the excel so I can better understand?”

I thought the attitude of being kind towards colleagues was something second-nature to people. Imagine my surprise when I realized, actual jerks existed. Granted, my example was definitely NOT the worst of it; I’m sure more people can give me far more interesting examples based on experience.

Let’s get one thing straight. I’m not calling everyone who talk this way jerks. Neither am I saying that we should always filter ourselves just so someone doesn’t get hurt. It will happen; but what’s important is knowing how to strike that balance of critique and kindness.

My rule of thumb is to ask yourself: Would you want to hear someone tell you that?

I understand there are true meanies out there who have complete disregard for people’s feelings, but there are those who have hope: those who just need a little help expressing and communicating.

An important note: the people who are OPEN TO CHANGING are the only ones who can be helped.

I’ve met several people who insisted that their way was the only way, and had such difficulty listening to feedback.

I worked with one person who was resistant to feedback. I had just shared that the image he was working on needed to be re-edited (a second time). Prior to this, throughout the process, he kept reasoning out why his image looked the way it did and why it shouldn’t be changed. After explaining why certain shots did not work, he no longer wanted to work on it and gave up on the project (yikes!).

With that, here are some of my tips for delivering quality feedback.

10 Tips: Delivering quality feedback

1. Think before you speak. It seems all too basic, but this is oftentimes one step we overlook. When we realize the damage done, it’s too late.
2. When it comes to emails, it’s so much easier to check yourself: get another colleague to read the draft email (assuming they are allowed to see the information), to really check if your comments are appropriate.
3. Learn to positivize your statements. Instead of saying, “you shouldn’t do this,” you can start saying “it could be more efficient if you did this.” Don’t forget you can mention that your recommendation is also beneficial to them, i.e. “doing this can save you a lot of time!”
4. Make it timely, so that the person receiving the feedback understands not only what they did but why it can be improved at the right time. This can help get your point across better. Also, no one wants to hear negative feedback on something they did a year ago (unless it’s really relevant at present).
5. Be open to questions, and even being challenged. I cannot stress this enough. Be ready to explain why your feedback is such, as this can help not only the receiver grow and understand, but for you to see if your critique is clear, concise, and understood. Heck, you might be even wrong, and you should be open to that as well.
6. Don’t be afraid to give some good feedback! You can always mention what things someone is doing well too, especially during performance reviews.
7. Do it privately or with the right people. Your whole department doesn’t need to know. It can also feel demoralizing if someone is criticized in front of colleague, I think that goes without saying.
8. Criticize one at a time where relevant. Don’t create a long memo breaking down all their mistakes.
9. Understand that your feedback might be needed again. Change and adjustment takes time, and if there will be a need to reiterate your feedback (hopefully this won’t be the 4th or 5th otherwise a new tactic might be needed), be prepared to do so.
10. Learn to adjust to different people. Some people will be receptive to feedback, while others might have a bit of difficulty with it. Others might be able to implement changes right away, some might not be able to adjust immediately. Have patience and you will be able to get through!

There are many more ways to deliver quality feedback, and to be true to my words, I’d be open to receive yours if you have any suggestions on this article.

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